Think "Paleontologist" is the word you're looking for

Tonight Cooper had to clean the bathroom due to an unfavorable report from school. He did so thoroughly and without complaint. When done, Robin was complimenting him on a job well done. Cooper replied, "I kinda like cleaning the bathroom. I can pretend I'm an alientologist polishing the bones!"

An Armstrong by any other name...

Lillian: "Mom, I learned a story in music class today. Louise Armstrong was a musician."
Me: "You mean Louis Armstrong?"
Lillian, "Oh, yeah, Louis. He used to play skat music and then he became a biker."
Me: What?! Wait, where did you learn the biker part?
Lillian: Daddy told me.
Me: Do you mean Lance Armstrong?
Lillian: Oh, yeah!! Lance. That's the one. He used to play skat music before he became a biker.
Me: I think you mean two different people. Louis Armstrong was a musician and Lance Armstrong is a famous bicycle rider.
Lillian: No, no, I remember. Dad told me. It's the same person.

Young Prophet

Sitting down to breakfast before heading to school, Cooper took a bite of his oatmeal. "Ow! That's hot. I think my tongue is on fire."

(Looks at his oatmeal thoughtfully for a moment)... "I guess God's back in heaven now."

Robin: "What?"

Cooper: "You know. That story... 'When God is in heaven all of our tongues will become fire."

(We still have no idea what he's talking about)

Cooper's Urban Dictionary IV

Berfing: To chew on a hard object with your gums.

Cooper: "Mommy, I just found Max's berfing toy on the kitchen counter!"
Robin: "What?"
James: "Do you mean burping?"
Cooper: "No. Berfing" (hands the teething ring to Max). "Look! He can berf all by himself!"

Tough crowd for George Washington

Looking at her dollar bill:
Lillian: “Dad, why did George Washing get killed for having pony tail girl hair?”
Me: “He wasn’t killed. He died of a bad disease, something to do with his throat I believe. Also, back then, many men had hair like that.”
Lillian: “I think he looks like a girl.”
Me: “Not a very pretty girl.”
Lillian: “Well I think he’s pretty.”
Cooper: exasperated moan “Ah! George Washington was such an annoying reader and a tree cutter downer too! He ran around in the woods cutting down everyone’s trees.”
Me: “What do you mean an annoying reader?”
Cooper: “He read ALL THE TIME, and he wouldn’t let anyone else read while he was reading.”
Me: “What makes you say that?”
Cooper: “I saw the movie.”

So there you go. The father of our country was a cross-dressing, manic lumberjack, with a strange intolerance for people reading near him.

Cooper's Song

Cooper is lying next to Max on the floor singing, "My hand's stuck in my butt, my hand's stuck in my butt, hi, ho the derry-o, my hand's stuck in my butt."

And of course, it is true to life. Somehow, don't think this nursery rhyme variation will be duplicated for the ages.

Cower before the awesome power of my pink fuzzy gloves!

You really have to approach the construction of your super hero costume with a critical eye. Cooper discovered a pair of beaded pink long silk gloves at my parents house. No doubt originally purchased as dress-up props for our daughter, Cooper seemed convinced they worked equally well as ninja gear.

Mmmm... I'm not so sure.

Too much blood

Today Cooper accompanied his little brother to the doctor. Max needed to get some standard vaccines for his four month checkup. Cooper saw some of the needles laying out and wondered if those were the same needles the doctor had used during a previous visit to draw blood.

He asked Robin "Why do I have too much blood?"

Evidently he thought the doctors were drawing some blood out of him to get him back to the "right" amount. Kinda like tire pressure I guess.

Career Plans

Last night I asked Cooper what he thought he might want to do for a job when he grew up.

Cooper: "hmmmmm... I think I'd like to control Heaven."

Now I don't want to stifle his aspirations, but from what I read, that plan didn't work out so well for the last guy who tried it.

Ironman at the wheel / Barbie shotgun / Weapons in the trunk

Yesterday, Granna & Papa gave Cooper an Ironman toy. He and Lillian have been playing with it ceaselessly. This morning I came upstairs to discover this...

Cooper graduates from preschool

Faster than fast

Cooper is convinced that he has super speed.

This morning, I was drinking coffee on the couch when he sprinted down the hall into the living room. When he stooped, he asked "Did all you see is rainbows?"

Me: "What?"

Cooper: "Did all you see is a cloud of smoke and rainbows?"

Later, as he continued to sprint around the downstairs, he shouted out "Did you see?! I'm running so fast, taste is falling out of my mouth!" We eventually determined this was drool.

"V"... It Starts with a "V"

Driving Cooper home from school last Thursday. From the back seat:
"Daddy, can we get a penis fly trap? I think it would help clear out that fly that got into the house yesterday."

Cooper's Growing-Up Song

Recycling

We were out last weekend at a Mexican restaurant. At one point, I'm walking Cooper to the Men's Room. Passing through the bar, he looks up and sees a very elaborate chandelier made of swooping curved ironwork and hundreds of inverted Corona bottles.

"Woooooooooow! How can recycling be so beautiful!!!"

Lillian's contribution...

Lillian-- "I'm guessing boys are made differently under here (points to her armpit) so they can do this (pit fart) just like girls are made to dress fancy."
In her next breath, "Mom, do we need a tongue? What do tongues do?"

The Soundtrack of Life

Riding home from dance rehearsal, Lillian is going on and on about being embarrassed to perform. Cooper says, "I always hear maracas in the car. (pause) I don't hear any maracas."

Food Chicken?

Cooper:"Chicken! Granna put chicken in the vegetable soup?! ---- food chicken, not animal chicken."

(Later during the meal)
"One of my vegetables looks like a scrubbing fish".

Cooper's take on the human digestive system

Cooper (during a post bed-time bathroom visit):
"Daddy, I think there are choppers in my chest that chop up all the food I eat and put it onto two crackers in my belly. Then, there are these two blood cells, I forget their names, who run a machine. The machine takes the poopy off of the crackers and moves it down to my bottom... just thought you should know."

Tough Competition

Tonight, Cooper was playing Tic Tac Toe (with himself). After three games ending with an exuberant "I win!," I was surprised to hear one disheartened "Awwwww Man! I lost!" Did I mention he was playing against himself?

Tiny Map

The other night, while brushing his teeth, Cooper noticed the network of veins and arteries on the underside of his tongue. "Daddy, there's a map on the bottom of my tongue. What's that a map of?"

Welcome Home Baby Max

Cooper welcomes his new baby brother into our family. Sweet ain't it?

Cooper's Urban Dictionary III

Forebrains: The space above your eyes, but below your hairline.

Example: Ow! Lillian just hit me in the forebrains!

Cooper critiques OSX

Don't know how many of you can appreciate this, but...

Yesterday I was installing a .pkg file on my Mac. As soon as the icon came up on the screen, Cooper commented, "OH! I know what that is! A box of jello."

Somewhere an icon designer for Steve Jobs is doing the face palm.

http://rob.nu/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/FacePalm.jpg

Planning Lillian’s Birthday for next month

Robin: “…Another option is we could do a pirate theme. Maybe have a scavenger hunt for treasure hidden around the house or yard.”
Cooper: ”And the chimpanzee could swing from the light hanging above the kitchen table!”

(insert another 5 minutes of party planning conversation here)

Robin: “...or we could look at a pool party. There’s this place in Charlotte…”
James: “But the kids really aren’t strong swimmers yet. If we’re talking about water slides…”
Cooper: “Lillian! What you should do is put a shooter on the window, the floor, and the ceiling, so you could shoot darts at people from all three directions!”

(insert another 5 minutes of party planning conversation here)

Robin: “...so in that scenario, Lillian, you’d probably need to pick just one or two friends from school to invite.”
Cooper (longingly to no one in particular): I sure would like a flying suit…”

Mr. Bock

Tonight, while eating lasagna, Cooper piped up with, "you know, I love Mr. Bock." Not knowing anyone by that name, Robin & I stopped talking and turned to Cooper, at which time Cooper burst out laughing, "Hahahahaha, you know Mr. Bock isn't real!!! Hahahahaha!"

We still have no idea what / who he's talking about.

Recognizing Road Signs . . .

Cooper was disappointed he couldn’t read road signs as well as Lillian.

James: “...but you can read some signs right?”
Cooper: “I know the McDonald’s sign.”
James: “Yeah, there you go. I bet if you think about it you know more signs than that.”
Cooper: “I know the Chick Fil’A sign.” (see a theme her?)
James: “You know when Mommy and I pick you up from school and walk to my office? Do you ever notice that sign?”
Cooper: “Yeah! It has pepperoni on it!”

This is the logo of my company (wax seal with a wheel in the center):

Defies Explanation

While eating lunch outside...

To Robin:
"Mommy, can the wind blow the sun away?"
later that afternoon:
"If you say, crabby, crabby, crab, the crabs will come."

While drying off after a bath...

Cooper: Daddy, have you ever seen a giraffe eat seaweed?

James: Mmmm, no, can't say I have. Have you?

Cooper (smiling knowingly): Oh yeah. Many times.

Breaking A Record

Cooper to Robin 7:00 am
Mommy I want to break a record today, I just don't know which one to break yet.

Cooper & James 7:40 am - in the car
James: So, Mommy told me you were going to break a record today.

Cooper: Yeah, I was going to get the record for the longest fingernails, but Amma cut my nails last night, so I can't get that one. Anyway, I think Amma is going to break that record. She has metal and stuff in her fingernails.

James: Cooper, what do you think a record is?

Cooper: Its a big piece of golden wood... with a "W" on it... and the "W" is gold too.

Cooper's Urban Dictionary II

Cooper walks up to me and hits me with his head. He then quickly turns around and hits me with his rear end.

Me: Cooper? What are you doing?

Cooper: Head - Butt

Cooper's Urban Dictionary

Hair attack (air attack?): as best we can tell, this is a boomerang or perhaps a grappling hook. Regardless, Batman apparently has the market cornered on hair attacks. That guy just loves ‘em.

Example: "Bad robots can't fight me! My hair attacks are stronger than strong!"

Riding with his grandmother.

"Amma, some of these cars are going to work... some are going to school... some are going to a toy store...

... but you just can't tell which ones."

Of Spikes & Trees

James:“I know you didn’t want to go to school today. Thanks for getting dressed and getting ready anyway.”
Cooper: “Yeah, sometimes the spikes make it hard. They tear my clothes.”
James:“The spikes?”
Cooper: “Yeah, the ones in my legs. They make it easier to climb trees, but they get in the way of my pants.”

. . . Later.

Cooper: “Daddy, why did God make trees?” (sun shining in his eyes).
James: “Well, we breathe in good air and breathe out bad air. Trees breathe in bad air. What do you think they breathe out?”
Cooper: “Good air! Daddy, sometimes I just hug trees. Not light poles though… they burn my eyes.”

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Those with doors and those without...

Cooper: Some people have doors on their houses, and they can just walk right in. Some people have no doors on their house at all and they have to use their magic to get into the house. Then, all the other people can come and bang on the walls, but that person doesn’t have to come out. And the people on the outside can never know if anyone’s even really in there.

James: That is a very interesting story Cooper!

Cooper: That’s no story Daddy. That is true.

James: oh.

Cooper: … and that is craaaaazy.

Dad is Powereful!

First week of preschool. During our morning drive, we drive directly into the sunrise. Cooper (squinting), “Daddy, can you please turn off the sun?” At that moment we had to turn and the sun went behind the trees.

Cooper (very casually) “Thanks Dad.”

Wha?!

Cooper: Can I climb on your shoulders?
James: Not right now. I need to go and help a friend move something heavy.
Cooper: What are you moving?
James: A radial arm saw.
Cooper: What's that?
James: Its a big saw. You use it to cut wood.
Cooper: And it has a piano attached to it?
James: um. no.
Cooper: OK. Never mind then.

Good Luck With That

Sitting by the play table before church – grunting loudly. James was afraid he was about to have an accident in his pants. James, “Cooper! What are you doing?!” Cooper (between grunts) “Trying… to… grow… a… third… arm…”

Invisible Snowman

Two days ago, Cooper and I were sitting on the couch looking through some school papers of his. We came to one drawn with white chalk on a black piece of paper. He looked at it with a disappointed expression and sighed.

"I was trying to draw an invisible snowman... something went wrong."

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Spiders!

Walking out to the car, Cooper spots a spider and steps on it. Seeing this, Robin asked him why he killed the spider. She goes on to explain that spiders help us by eating other insects that might otherwise bother us.

After some thoughtful consideration, Cooper replied, “You know, that’s ok. We don’t really need the spiders after all. I can kill the other bugs myself.”

Kinda Creepy

Cooper thinks of nighttime, quite literally as dark time. He even refers to the daylight hours as “today” and the nighttime hours as “todark.” This leads to some kind of creepy comments at times.

One afternoon, while getting dressed to go out, Cooper was happily humming a tune while putting on his shoes in his room. At some point, he looked up & saw the sun was not as high in the sky.

He looked at me, totally stopped humming, and somberly stated under his breath, “The darkness is coming…” After that, he popped right back to happily humming his song and putting on his shoes.

So. The name of the blog is chucka-nuts...

Cooper, just out of school, runs into my office and slaps two tiny seeds on the desk.
“Look Dad! I found two chucka-nuts!”
James: “What are chucka-nuts?”
Cooper: “Those are chucka-nuts.”
James: “Where did they come from?”
Cooper: “A chucka-nut tree.”
James: “Oh. What do you do with them?”
Cooper: “What do you mean?”
James: “If I planted them, what would grow?”
Cooper: (becoming impatient), “A chucka-nut tree.”
James: “What’s a chucka-nut tree?”
Cooper: (obviously exasperated - speaking slowly as to a small child)“A – tree – that – grows - chucka-nuts.”

Honey Spiders

Cooper: (on the way to pick Lillian up from a sleep-over), “…So when I see black widow spiders I just run toward them. They don’t expect that & it makes them scared and run away.”

James: “Yeah, that’s not such a good idea. (goes on to explain the many dangers of trying to bully black widow spiders).

Cooper: “OK, but honey spiders are ok. They don’t bite kids.”

James: “Honey spiders?”

Cooper:“Yeah. They’re only this big (holds two fingers right against one another illustrating 0 size), until they start filling with honey. Then they grow and grow and grow until they're this big (hold arms apart).”

James: “Really?”

Cooper: “Yeah. Then little boys and girls come up with empty jars and hold them out to the honey spider. That’s when he squirts all his honey out and fills up their jars… then he gets tiny again.”

James: “But the honey spiders only do this for little kids?”

Cooper: “Yeah, they bite grown ups. If I were you I’d keep away from the honey spiders.”

Quiet question from the back seat

"What do butterflies look like when they are really mad?"

This is where it all begins...

Robin: "What made you think of that Cooper?"
Cooper: "My brain Mommy. I couldn't think of any of this stuff without my brain."

From the mouth of babes

For several months, the casual observations of my young son, Cooper, have become legend around my workplace. He has a way of seeing and talking about his world that is both very odd & highly entertaining. Its reached the point where co-workers will routinely stop me and ask for Cooper's latest anecdote or nugget of wisdom.

After months of this, I've finally been talked into posting Cooper's collected thoughts to the web.

Ladies and Gentlemen... welcome to Cooper's Mind.